Thursday, February 16, 2012

DISTRACTING AUTHOR PHOTO : R.L. Stine and his dark little friend

Duuude... Seriously?
          We just received the new issue of Writer's Digest, and on the back there's an ad for "ThrillerFest VII" in New York. The ad features headshots of some of the special guest authors, including Jack Higgins, Catherine Coulter, John Sandford, and... R.L. Stine. There are other authors pictured, but my eye was caught and assaulted cruelly by the little photo of Mr. Stine.
          Every time I run across a photo of him, I gasp and recoil, my horrified heart skipping a beat. Much the same way his books are supposed to affect his young readers, but I find it hard to believe they do, given the goofy joke-driven nature of his writing. If only he could capture in his writing the chilling terror of his looks.
          I know it's mean to call attention to his looks, but come on. He has made, and still continues to make, more money than I'll ever see in my life, and I KNOW he is aware of that thing on his forehead. He can well afford to have it REMOVED. Why does he suffer it to exist?! That goofy smirk and those bushy untamed brows would be disheartening enough, but to over-accessorize with that damned MOLE is just... Well, it's just poor taste, that's what it is. And I will not keep quiet about it.
          Titles like, "Say Cheese and Die" make my blood boil with rage, but that mole-topped bushy-browed smirk turns the boiling blood to LAVA in my veins. Mr. Stine, you go TOO FAR.


  1. Time-lapse photography has revealed that those brows are actually a species of rare fuzzy caterpillar. They die every 30 days, and are replaced by a new pair, which have incubated in the frontal lobe of his brain and emerge via the brown mole, which is actually a portal for the parasites.

  2. Annie- This is explains so much! Now that I understand the way the ecosystem works, I can better understand Mr. Stine himself! Thank you so much for this enlightening information. ;)